Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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