i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
