Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
