i would punch a child for taco bell
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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