He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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