The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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