i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
