why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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