Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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