i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
