legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My bed smells like the plague
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
