I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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