I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
