Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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