Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
