So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
