I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
