If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
