I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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