You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
