It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
