I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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