We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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