you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
