I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
