mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
