no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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