She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's the barista slut.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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