I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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