I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
