I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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