I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
