At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
