I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
