I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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