he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
