I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
