And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
