Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
bring money and cleavage
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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