I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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