I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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