Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
