What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
