the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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