it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
