dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So vagazzling was a success
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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