It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
