I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
