wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
