You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
