I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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