her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
