can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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