I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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