i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
