He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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