If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
