I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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