did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
