I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
