when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
