You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The power of my boobs compel you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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