There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
