I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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