There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
