I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
