Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
