dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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