I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
