you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
