i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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