we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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