my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
