how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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