he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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