what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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