I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
