ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
