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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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