Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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