A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
