Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
