community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
