I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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