hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
