Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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