dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
